| Table of Contents |
| Pennsyl-tucky: A Natural History | 3 |
| The Fall Day When Everything Changed | 7 |
| Storybored | 11 |
| My Short Career as a Murderer | 13 |
| Zombie Pizza | 20 |
| A Gloomy Dinner, Well Lit | 27 |
| The Snottery | 33 |
| When My Son Came to Visit | 44 |
| Examples of Feedback | 51 |
| Business Lessons | 66 |
| Talking Backwards | 72 |
| Dog Eye | 75 |
| Conversion | 80 |
| Clown Truck | 82 |
| My Trip to Infinite Time | 86 |
| The Underdog | 93 |
| Chocolate Covered Ants | 97 |
| The Standoff | 100 |
| Bleeding Art | 104 |
| Lunch for Eight | 106 |
| Mammals | 113 |
| Neighbots | 119 |
| A Crime Scene | 124 |
| Miscommunicants | 126 |
| Disgusting Dogs | 129 |
| Too Afraid To Leave? | 131 |
| Dragon Bones | 134 |
| Left Alone With a Slide Rule | 138 |
| Daydreaming of a Beautiful Evening | 140 |
| I Hate Dogs | 143 |
| Land Under the Sea That Time Forgot | 147 |
| Finding Poppy | 155 |
| The Moment I Fell in Love | 161 |
| Free Writes | 167 |
| Postword | 196 |