Hemingway’s Six

There is an interesting discussion about Hemingway’s famous six word story here.

I started thinking about this and I wondered if Hemingway’s particular ordering of those six words were the best possible ordering. I wrote a simple (six line) C++ program to permute the six words and print out all 720 different combinations of the words “For,” “Sale,” “Baby,” “Shoes,” “Never” and “Worn.” I couldn’t even begin to be able to figure out what to do with the puncuation so I left that as it was. I then scanned through all 720 variations of the six words. Except for “Baby shoes: for sale, never worn” which was pretty good here is my conclusion: Hemingway is a great writer.

Story
For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

Not a story
For sale: baby shoes, worn never; For sale: baby never, shoes worn; For sale: baby never, worn shoes; For sale: baby worn, shoes never; For sale: baby worn, never shoes; For sale: shoes baby, never worn; For sale: shoes baby, worn never; For sale: shoes never, baby worn; For sale: shoes never, worn baby; For sale: shoes worn, baby never; For sale: shoes worn, never baby; For sale: never baby, shoes worn; For sale: never baby, worn shoes; For sale: never shoes, baby worn; For sale: never shoes, worn baby; For sale: never worn, baby shoes; For sale: never worn, shoes baby; For sale: worn baby, shoes never; For sale: worn baby, never shoes; For sale: worn shoes, baby never; For sale: worn shoes, never baby; For sale: worn never, baby shoes; For sale: worn never, shoes baby;

For baby: sale shoes, never worn; For baby: sale shoes, worn never; For baby: sale never, shoes worn; For baby: sale never, worn shoes; For baby: sale worn, shoes never; For baby: sale worn, never shoes; For baby: shoes sale, never worn; For baby: shoes sale, worn never; For baby: shoes never, sale worn; For baby: shoes never, worn sale; For baby: shoes worn, sale never; For baby: shoes worn, never sale; For baby: never sale, shoes worn; For baby: never sale, worn shoes; For baby: never shoes, sale worn; For baby: never shoes, worn sale; For baby: never worn, sale shoes; For baby: never worn, shoes sale; For baby: worn sale, shoes never; For baby: worn sale, never shoes; For baby: worn shoes, sale never; For baby: worn shoes, never sale; For baby: worn never, sale shoes; For baby: worn never, shoes sale;

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For worn: sale baby, shoes never; For worn: sale baby, never shoes; For worn: sale shoes, baby never; For worn: sale shoes, never baby; For worn: sale never, baby shoes; For worn: sale never, shoes baby; For worn: baby sale, shoes never; For worn: baby sale, never shoes; For worn: baby shoes, sale never; For worn: baby shoes, never sale; For worn: baby never, sale shoes; For worn: baby never, shoes sale; For worn: shoes sale, baby never; For worn: shoes sale, never baby; For worn: shoes baby, sale never; For worn: shoes baby, never sale; For worn: shoes never, sale baby; For worn: shoes never, baby sale; For worn: never sale, baby shoes; For worn: never sale, shoes baby; For worn: never baby, sale shoes; For worn: never baby, shoes sale; For worn: never shoes, sale baby; For worn: never shoes, baby sale;

Sale for: baby shoes, never worn; Sale for: baby shoes, worn never; Sale for: baby never, shoes worn; Sale for: baby never, worn shoes; Sale for: baby worn, shoes never; Sale for: baby worn, never shoes; Sale for: shoes baby, never worn; Sale for: shoes baby, worn never; Sale for: shoes never, baby worn; Sale for: shoes never, worn baby; Sale for: shoes worn, baby never; Sale for: shoes worn, never baby; Sale for: never baby, shoes worn; Sale for: never baby, worn shoes; Sale for: never shoes, baby worn; Sale for: never shoes, worn baby; Sale for: never worn, baby shoes; Sale for: never worn, shoes baby; Sale for: worn baby, shoes never; Sale for: worn baby, never shoes; Sale for: worn shoes, baby never; Sale for: worn shoes, never baby; Sale for: worn never, baby shoes; Sale for: worn never, shoes baby;

Sale baby: for shoes, never worn; Sale baby: for shoes, worn never; Sale baby: for never, shoes worn; Sale baby: for never, worn shoes; Sale baby: for worn, shoes never; Sale baby: for worn, never shoes; Sale baby: shoes for, never worn; Sale baby: shoes for, worn never; Sale baby: shoes never, for worn; Sale baby: shoes never, worn for; Sale baby: shoes worn, for never; Sale baby: shoes worn, never for; Sale baby: never for, shoes worn; Sale baby: never for, worn shoes; Sale baby: never shoes, for worn; Sale baby: never shoes, worn for; Sale baby: never worn, for shoes; Sale baby: never worn, shoes for; Sale baby: worn for, shoes never; Sale baby: worn for, never shoes; Sale baby: worn shoes, for never; Sale baby: worn shoes, never for; Sale baby: worn never, for shoes; Sale baby: worn never, shoes for;

Sale shoes: for baby, never worn; Sale shoes: for baby, worn never; Sale shoes: for never, baby worn; Sale shoes: for never, worn baby; Sale shoes: for worn, baby never; Sale shoes: for worn, never baby; Sale shoes: baby for, never worn; Sale shoes: baby for, worn never; Sale shoes: baby never, for worn; Sale shoes: baby never, worn for; Sale shoes: baby worn, for never; Sale shoes: baby worn, never for; Sale shoes: never for, baby worn; Sale shoes: never for, worn baby; Sale shoes: never baby, for worn; Sale shoes: never baby, worn for; Sale shoes: never worn, for baby; Sale shoes: never worn, baby for; Sale shoes: worn for, baby never; Sale shoes: worn for, never baby; Sale shoes: worn baby, for never; Sale shoes: worn baby, never for; Sale shoes: worn never, for baby; Sale shoes: worn never, baby for;

Sale never: for baby, shoes worn; Sale never: for baby, worn shoes; Sale never: for shoes, baby worn; Sale never: for shoes, worn baby; Sale never: for worn, baby shoes; Sale never: for worn, shoes baby; Sale never: baby for, shoes worn; Sale never: baby for, worn shoes; Sale never: baby shoes, for worn; Sale never: baby shoes, worn for; Sale never: baby worn, for shoes; Sale never: baby worn, shoes for; Sale never: shoes for, baby worn; Sale never: shoes for, worn baby; Sale never: shoes baby, for worn; Sale never: shoes baby, worn for; Sale never: shoes worn, for baby; Sale never: shoes worn, baby for; Sale never: worn for, baby shoes; Sale never: worn for, shoes baby; Sale never: worn baby, for shoes; Sale never: worn baby, shoes for; Sale never: worn shoes, for baby; Sale never: worn shoes, baby for;

Sale worn: for baby, shoes never; Sale worn: for baby, never shoes; Sale worn: for shoes, baby never; Sale worn: for shoes, never baby; Sale worn: for never, baby shoes; Sale worn: for never, shoes baby; Sale worn: baby for, shoes never; Sale worn: baby for, never shoes; Sale worn: baby shoes, for never; Sale worn: baby shoes, never for; Sale worn: baby never, for shoes; Sale worn: baby never, shoes for; Sale worn: shoes for, baby never; Sale worn: shoes for, never baby; Sale worn: shoes baby, for never; Sale worn: shoes baby, never for; Sale worn: shoes never, for baby; Sale worn: shoes never, baby for; Sale worn: never for, baby shoes; Sale worn: never for, shoes baby; Sale worn: never baby, for shoes; Sale worn: never baby, shoes for; Sale worn: never shoes, for baby; Sale worn: never shoes, baby for;

Baby for: sale shoes, never worn; Baby for: sale shoes, worn never; Baby for: sale never, shoes worn; Baby for: sale never, worn shoes; Baby for: sale worn, shoes never; Baby for: sale worn, never shoes; Baby for: shoes sale, never worn; Baby for: shoes sale, worn never; Baby for: shoes never, sale worn; Baby for: shoes never, worn sale; Baby for: shoes worn, sale never; Baby for: shoes worn, never sale; Baby for: never sale, shoes worn; Baby for: never sale, worn shoes; Baby for: never shoes, sale worn; Baby for: never shoes, worn sale; Baby for: never worn, sale shoes; Baby for: never worn, shoes sale; Baby for: worn sale, shoes never; Baby for: worn sale, never shoes; Baby for: worn shoes, sale never; Baby for: worn shoes, never sale; Baby for: worn never, sale shoes; Baby for: worn never, shoes sale;

Baby sale: for shoes, never worn; Baby sale: for shoes, worn never; Baby sale: for never, shoes worn; Baby sale: for never, worn shoes; Baby sale: for worn, shoes never; Baby sale: for worn, never shoes; Baby sale: shoes for, never worn; Baby sale: shoes for, worn never; Baby sale: shoes never, for worn; Baby sale: shoes never, worn for; Baby sale: shoes worn, for never; Baby sale: shoes worn, never for; Baby sale: never for, shoes worn; Baby sale: never for, worn shoes; Baby sale: never shoes, for worn; Baby sale: never shoes, worn for; Baby sale: never worn, for shoes; Baby sale: never worn, shoes for; Baby sale: worn for, shoes never; Baby sale: worn for, never shoes; Baby sale: worn shoes, for never; Baby sale: worn shoes, never for; Baby sale: worn never, for shoes; Baby sale: worn never, shoes for;

Baby shoes: for sale, never worn; Baby shoes: for sale, worn never; Baby shoes: for never, sale worn; Baby shoes: for never, worn sale; Baby shoes: for worn, sale never; Baby shoes: for worn, never sale; Baby shoes: sale for, never worn; Baby shoes: sale for, worn never; Baby shoes: sale never, for worn; Baby shoes: sale never, worn for; Baby shoes: sale worn, for never; Baby shoes: sale worn, never for; Baby shoes: never for, sale worn; Baby shoes: never for, worn sale; Baby shoes: never sale, for worn; Baby shoes: never sale, worn for; Baby shoes: never worn, for sale; Baby shoes: never worn, sale for; Baby shoes: worn for, sale never; Baby shoes: worn for, never sale; Baby shoes: worn sale, for never; Baby shoes: worn sale, never for; Baby shoes: worn never, for sale; Baby shoes: worn never, sale for;

Baby never: for sale, shoes worn; Baby never: for sale, worn shoes; Baby never: for shoes, sale worn; Baby never: for shoes, worn sale; Baby never: for worn, sale shoes; Baby never: for worn, shoes sale; Baby never: sale for, shoes worn; Baby never: sale for, worn shoes; Baby never: sale shoes, for worn; Baby never: sale shoes, worn for; Baby never: sale worn, for shoes; Baby never: sale worn, shoes for; Baby never: shoes for, sale worn; Baby never: shoes for, worn sale; Baby never: shoes sale, for worn; Baby never: shoes sale, worn for; Baby never: shoes worn, for sale; Baby never: shoes worn, sale for; Baby never: worn for, sale shoes; Baby never: worn for, shoes sale; Baby never: worn sale, for shoes; Baby never: worn sale, shoes for; Baby never: worn shoes, for sale; Baby never: worn shoes, sale for;

Baby worn: for sale, shoes never; Baby worn: for sale, never shoes; Baby worn: for shoes, sale never; Baby worn: for shoes, never sale; Baby worn: for never, sale shoes; Baby worn: for never, shoes sale; Baby worn: sale for, shoes never; Baby worn: sale for, never shoes; Baby worn: sale shoes, for never; Baby worn: sale shoes, never for; Baby worn: sale never, for shoes; Baby worn: sale never, shoes for; Baby worn: shoes for, sale never; Baby worn: shoes for, never sale; Baby worn: shoes sale, for never; Baby worn: shoes sale, never for; Baby worn: shoes never, for sale; Baby worn: shoes never, sale for; Baby worn: never for, sale shoes; Baby worn: never for, shoes sale; Baby worn: never sale, for shoes; Baby worn: never sale, shoes for; Baby worn: never shoes, for sale; Baby worn: never shoes, sale for;

Shoes for: sale baby, never worn; Shoes for: sale baby, worn never; Shoes for: sale never, baby worn; Shoes for: sale never, worn baby; Shoes for: sale worn, baby never; Shoes for: sale worn, never baby; Shoes for: baby sale, never worn; Shoes for: baby sale, worn never; Shoes for: baby never, sale worn; Shoes for: baby never, worn sale; Shoes for: baby worn, sale never; Shoes for: baby worn, never sale; Shoes for: never sale, baby worn; Shoes for: never sale, worn baby; Shoes for: never baby, sale worn; Shoes for: never baby, worn sale; Shoes for: never worn, sale baby; Shoes for: never worn, baby sale; Shoes for: worn sale, baby never; Shoes for: worn sale, never baby; Shoes for: worn baby, sale never; Shoes for: worn baby, never sale; Shoes for: worn never, sale baby; Shoes for: worn never, baby sale;

Shoes sale: for baby, never worn; Shoes sale: for baby, worn never; Shoes sale: for never, baby worn; Shoes sale: for never, worn baby; Shoes sale: for worn, baby never; Shoes sale: for worn, never baby; Shoes sale: baby for, never worn; Shoes sale: baby for, worn never; Shoes sale: baby never, for worn; Shoes sale: baby never, worn for; Shoes sale: baby worn, for never; Shoes sale: baby worn, never for; Shoes sale: never for, baby worn; Shoes sale: never for, worn baby; Shoes sale: never baby, for worn; Shoes sale: never baby, worn for; Shoes sale: never worn, for baby; Shoes sale: never worn, baby for; Shoes sale: worn for, baby never; Shoes sale: worn for, never baby; Shoes sale: worn baby, for never; Shoes sale: worn baby, never for; Shoes sale: worn never, for baby; Shoes sale: worn never, baby for;

Shoes baby: for sale, never worn; Shoes baby: for sale, worn never; Shoes baby: for never, sale worn; Shoes baby: for never, worn sale; Shoes baby: for worn, sale never; Shoes baby: for worn, never sale; Shoes baby: sale for, never worn; Shoes baby: sale for, worn never; Shoes baby: sale never, for worn; Shoes baby: sale never, worn for; Shoes baby: sale worn, for never; Shoes baby: sale worn, never for; Shoes baby: never for, sale worn; Shoes baby: never for, worn sale; Shoes baby: never sale, for worn; Shoes baby: never sale, worn for; Shoes baby: never worn, for sale; Shoes baby: never worn, sale for; Shoes baby: worn for, sale never; Shoes baby: worn for, never sale; Shoes baby: worn sale, for never; Shoes baby: worn sale, never for; Shoes baby: worn never, for sale; Shoes baby: worn never, sale for;

Shoes never: for sale, baby worn; Shoes never: for sale, worn baby; Shoes never: for baby, sale worn; Shoes never: for baby, worn sale; Shoes never: for worn, sale baby; Shoes never: for worn, baby sale; Shoes never: sale for, baby worn; Shoes never: sale for, worn baby; Shoes never: sale baby, for worn; Shoes never: sale baby, worn for; Shoes never: sale worn, for baby; Shoes never: sale worn, baby for; Shoes never: baby for, sale worn; Shoes never: baby for, worn sale; Shoes never: baby sale, for worn; Shoes never: baby sale, worn for; Shoes never: baby worn, for sale; Shoes never: baby worn, sale for; Shoes never: worn for, sale baby; Shoes never: worn for, baby sale; Shoes never: worn sale, for baby; Shoes never: worn sale, baby for; Shoes never: worn baby, for sale; Shoes never: worn baby, sale for;

Shoes worn: for sale, baby never; Shoes worn: for sale, never baby; Shoes worn: for baby, sale never; Shoes worn: for baby, never sale; Shoes worn: for never, sale baby; Shoes worn: for never, baby sale; Shoes worn: sale for, baby never; Shoes worn: sale for, never baby; Shoes worn: sale baby, for never; Shoes worn: sale baby, never for; Shoes worn: sale never, for baby; Shoes worn: sale never, baby for; Shoes worn: baby for, sale never; Shoes worn: baby for, never sale; Shoes worn: baby sale, for never; Shoes worn: baby sale, never for; Shoes worn: baby never, for sale; Shoes worn: baby never, sale for; Shoes worn: never for, sale baby; Shoes worn: never for, baby sale; Shoes worn: never sale, for baby; Shoes worn: never sale, baby for; Shoes worn: never baby, for sale; Shoes worn: never baby, sale for;

Never for: sale baby, shoes worn; Never for: sale baby, worn shoes; Never for: sale shoes, baby worn; Never for: sale shoes, worn baby; Never for: sale worn, baby shoes; Never for: sale worn, shoes baby; Never for: baby sale, shoes worn; Never for: baby sale, worn shoes; Never for: baby shoes, sale worn; Never for: baby shoes, worn sale; Never for: baby worn, sale shoes; Never for: baby worn, shoes sale; Never for: shoes sale, baby worn; Never for: shoes sale, worn baby; Never for: shoes baby, sale worn; Never for: shoes baby, worn sale; Never for: shoes worn, sale baby; Never for: shoes worn, baby sale; Never for: worn sale, baby shoes; Never for: worn sale, shoes baby; Never for: worn baby, sale shoes; Never for: worn baby, shoes sale; Never for: worn shoes, sale baby; Never for: worn shoes, baby sale;

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Worn for: sale baby, shoes never; Worn for: sale baby, never shoes; Worn for: sale shoes, baby never; Worn for: sale shoes, never baby; Worn for: sale never, baby shoes; Worn for: sale never, shoes baby; Worn for: baby sale, shoes never; Worn for: baby sale, never shoes; Worn for: baby shoes, sale never; Worn for: baby shoes, never sale; Worn for: baby never, sale shoes; Worn for: baby never, shoes sale; Worn for: shoes sale, baby never; Worn for: shoes sale, never baby; Worn for: shoes baby, sale never; Worn for: shoes baby, never sale; Worn for: shoes never, sale baby; Worn for: shoes never, baby sale; Worn for: never sale, baby shoes; Worn for: never sale, shoes baby; Worn for: never baby, sale shoes; Worn for: never baby, shoes sale; Worn for: never shoes, sale baby; Worn for: never shoes, baby sale;

Worn sale: for baby, shoes never; Worn sale: for baby, never shoes; Worn sale: for shoes, baby never; Worn sale: for shoes, never baby; Worn sale: for never, baby shoes; Worn sale: for never, shoes baby; Worn sale: baby for, shoes never; Worn sale: baby for, never shoes; Worn sale: baby shoes, for never; Worn sale: baby shoes, never for; Worn sale: baby never, for shoes; Worn sale: baby never, shoes for; Worn sale: shoes for, baby never; Worn sale: shoes for, never baby; Worn sale: shoes baby, for never; Worn sale: shoes baby, never for; Worn sale: shoes never, for baby; Worn sale: shoes never, baby for; Worn sale: never for, baby shoes; Worn sale: never for, shoes baby; Worn sale: never baby, for shoes; Worn sale: never baby, shoes for; Worn sale: never shoes, for baby; Worn sale: never shoes, baby for;

Worn baby: for sale, shoes never; Worn baby: for sale, never shoes; Worn baby: for shoes, sale never; Worn baby: for shoes, never sale; Worn baby: for never, sale shoes; Worn baby: for never, shoes sale; Worn baby: sale for, shoes never; Worn baby: sale for, never shoes; Worn baby: sale shoes, for never; Worn baby: sale shoes, never for; Worn baby: sale never, for shoes; Worn baby: sale never, shoes for; Worn baby: shoes for, sale never; Worn baby: shoes for, never sale; Worn baby: shoes sale, for never; Worn baby: shoes sale, never for; Worn baby: shoes never, for sale; Worn baby: shoes never, sale for; Worn baby: never for, sale shoes; Worn baby: never for, shoes sale; Worn baby: never sale, for shoes; Worn baby: never sale, shoes for; Worn baby: never shoes, for sale; Worn baby: never shoes, sale for;

Worn shoes: for sale, baby never; Worn shoes: for sale, never baby; Worn shoes: for baby, sale never; Worn shoes: for baby, never sale; Worn shoes: for never, sale baby; Worn shoes: for never, baby sale; Worn shoes: sale for, baby never; Worn shoes: sale for, never baby; Worn shoes: sale baby, for never; Worn shoes: sale baby, never for; Worn shoes: sale never, for baby; Worn shoes: sale never, baby for; Worn shoes: baby for, sale never; Worn shoes: baby for, never sale; Worn shoes: baby sale, for never; Worn shoes: baby sale, never for; Worn shoes: baby never, for sale; Worn shoes: baby never, sale for; Worn shoes: never for, sale baby; Worn shoes: never for, baby sale; Worn shoes: never sale, for baby; Worn shoes: never sale, baby for; Worn shoes: never baby, for sale; Worn shoes: never baby, sale for;

Worn never: for sale, baby shoes; Worn never: for sale, shoes baby; Worn never: for baby, sale shoes; Worn never: for baby, shoes sale; Worn never: for shoes, sale baby; Worn never: for shoes, baby sale; Worn never: sale for, baby shoes; Worn never: sale for, shoes baby; Worn never: sale baby, for shoes; Worn never: sale baby, shoes for; Worn never: sale shoes, for baby; Worn never: sale shoes, baby for; Worn never: baby for, sale shoes; Worn never: baby for, shoes sale; Worn never: baby sale, for shoes; Worn never: baby sale, shoes for; Worn never: baby shoes, for sale; Worn never: baby shoes, sale for; Worn never: shoes for, sale baby; Worn never: shoes for, baby sale; Worn never: shoes sale, for baby; Worn never: shoes sale, baby for; Worn never: shoes baby, for sale; Worn never: shoes baby, sale for;

T-Shirt Fiction

This is a cool idea. I think one of my online reviewers suggested that one of my pieces of micro fiction would fit well on a t-shirt. So the idea, which I coin here, is T-shirt Fiction: write a piece of fiction short enough to fit on a t-shirt

It’s at least as cool an idea as hint-fiction which fiction no longer than 25 words long that hints something much larger.

Semi-comma

I present here and give into the public domain my idea for a new puncuation mark. I call my creation the semi-comma. Due to the fact that I just invented it – it’s use has not been codified but I propose that it be used at the end of any sentence wherein the speaker has forgotten, half-way through, what he/she was going to say.

The top half of the mark is made up of the top half of a question mark, the bottom half of the mark is made up of a comma, thus:

An example in dialog:

Mary:        Hi John. How are you?
John:        I’m fine – I was just going
Mary:        What?
John:        I don’t remember where I’m going so I quit speaking in mid-sentence.
That’s why, implicitly, with my voice, I inserted a semi-comma in that last sentence.

Please accept this mark as my gift to the world of literature.

Weirdest Spam Ever

I’ve gotten some really weird spam in my life. I’ve been using email for about twenty years so I’ve gone from no spam whatsoever – to getting spam from someone and feeling it was my responsibility to respond back to that person saying “It is really not appropriate to send unsolicited commercial emails” in a polite way assuming that they just did not understand the etiquette of the Internet. Back then we distinguished between unsolicited commercial email and unsolicited non-commercial email. These were the good old days in the early ’90s. Unsolicited non-commercial email with the whole point.

Then I started getting emails that were clearly sent knowing that they were spamming but apologizing for it in the opening of the email: “We know we’re not supposed to do this, but we’re sure you’ll agree this is an exception…” Somewhere along the line people started calling this Spam. At some point the floodgates opened. As a result of all this spam email I’ve learned a lot about Nigeria and have become an expert on penis enlargement (not that I’ve ever tried it – didn’t need too — he says, polishing his fingernails on his coat lapel).

Today, though, I got the weirdest unsolicited commercial email I’ve ever gotten.

It was from some Taiwanese folks who are apparently interested in chicken parts. All types of chicken parts. Legs, thighs, wings. Any part. They were interested in forming allegiances in the United States (and with me related in particular) regarding the importation of chicken parts into Taiwan. It’s quite lucrative, I hear. I did not know that. I’ll have to look into that. I’ve been looking for alternatives in case this whole “Jay Rush Becoming a Writer” thing doesn’t pan out.

Animation of “Robert Frost is Lazy”

A movie made from my poem Robert Frost is Lazy at a website called xTra Normal.

Click on the image to play the video.

 
   

Robert Frost is lazy.
Stopping in the middle of the night,
Listening to snow,
What a colossal waste of time.

What has he ever done to make things better?
Has a single hungry child been fed?
Has a single battered wife been comforted?

Go home Robert.
Be with your wife and kids.
Do something useful.
Instead of lazing around in the snow.

And why are you always going off in your own direction?
Stop being such a pain in the ass.

 

What Not To Do With Your Blog

  • Don’t post things about how bad your day was – it sucked for you – why would we want to hear about it.
  • Don’t post things about what you’re going to do in the future – stop writing blog posts and go do these things.
  • Don’t post things about going to the dentist or grocery shopping or any other mundain task that you wouldn’t even bother your spouse with – they don’t want to hear it for a reason – its boring.
  • Don’t expect your readers to know anything about what you wrote in your blog ten million years ago – as if we’ve been following you – we haven’t.
  • Don’t say your going to post somthing every day and then post for three days and then tell us, six weeks later, that you haven’t posted in a while and that you’re falling behind. We could not possibly care less.
  • Unless you have something interesting and unique to say don’t tell us all about your inane political beliefs. You just clog up the cognitive brain space that could be used for illuminating thoughts of someone who knows what they are talking about.
  • Don’t post pictures of your grandchildren. Your grandchildren are ugly.
  • When you’ve forgotten to post for two weeks don’t post a single line saying I like this youtube video of a cat dancing on the head of pin sticking out of a dogs buttox. We’ve seen it.
  • Don’t post a picture with a link under it saying see this picture in full size and then when I click it the picture is the same size. It doesn’t make any sense and its annoying and you’re waisting our time.
  • Don’t call your blog “Daily grunts from someone trying to become a writer”. First of all – you’re not a writer. Second of all – its not daily. Third of all – “grunts”? Please.

Watch the Glue

Brooke, my brother and the general contractor for a huge renovation I made to my house in 2006, and I were reviewing the design of a bookcase in the basement of my house.  Jerry, one of Brooke’s workers, had already spread some glue on a peice of plywood on the floor where the bookcase was going to be built.  Brooke and I were both, in turn, waving our arms and saying things like “No – it should go here”, or “Yes – that is what I mean”.

The entire time we were there one of us would move towards the glue on the floor and the other one would put his arm up, pulling the first back away from the glue, saying “Watch the glue”.

Our conversation when something like this: “I think the bookcase should be wider”, “Watch out!”, “I saw the glue – stop”, “No, I think it should be taller”, “Watch the glue”, “I saw it.”.

After about three or four such exchanges we realized what we were doing and started laughing.  I said that Jerry, who was standing off to the side and watching us, shaking his head, would probably walk over and show us what he thought about the bookcase and step right in the glue.

It was pretty funny.  We finally agreed on a design for the bookcase and Jerry bent his head to the task again and finished contact cementing the plywood.  Contact cement must ‘set-up’ for ten minutes before you can use it.

After about 9 minutes Don Rush, the painter, came down into the basement.  I innocently asked him what he thought about the bookcase…..